When we think about addiction, we often imagine an attachment to something external—a substance or behavior that helps us feel better, different, or in control. But there’s another kind of addiction, one that turns inward: the addiction to self.
This isn’t just about clinging to who we think we are. It’s about the deals we make with ourselves to keep this notion of self intact. “I don’t need to let go completely,” we tell ourselves. “Maybe I can just adjust it a little, polish it, suppress the bad traits, or cling to the good ones.” We negotiate endlessly, unwilling to truly let go.
Dōgen said, “To study the self is to forget the self.” What’s interesting is that Dōgen doesn’t talk about any form of active suppression. Instead, he invites us to look deeply into the voices in our heads—the judgments, labels, and stories—and to see their motivations clearly. This requires a willingness to face even the uncomfortable truths, to examine everything that drives the self, without turning away.
When we do this, the small self doesn’t need to be forcibly dropped. It dissolves naturally, because we recognize it’s not who we truly are. But as long as we cling to certain parts of the self—whether they seem good or bad—we perpetuate delusion. We remain caught in cycles of attachment and avoidance, unable to see our true nature.
To see our true nature, we must first fully acknowledge the small self for what it is. This means appreciating even its harsher aspects, not to dwell in them but to understand their origins. Only then can we step back and recognize that this is not where we truly abide.
Today, take a moment to observe the judgments and labels influencing your decisions. Don’t just look at the ones you think are kind or benevolent. Look at the ones that are critical, harsh, or self-serving. See them clearly, and allow them to simply be.
When you do this, you may find that these judgments drop away on their own. And what remains is the wonder of your daily experience, unfiltered by the small self’s stories and instincts. In that space, your true nature shines through!
