We chase meaning like it’s out there somewhere—hidden in a teaching, a moment, a breakthrough. But what happens when even “no meaning” becomes another thing to hold onto? In this talk on Book of Equanimity, Case 80, we sit with Ryūge’s journey through questions, blows, and the quiet unraveling of self. It’s not about finding the answer. It’s about what’s left when the search gives up.

What holds the self together after it’s been born through karma? In this week’s powerful class, we step beneath the surface of our constructed identities to explore the quiet architecture of the ego—its defense mechanisms, its patterns of protection, and its habitual strategies for survival. Drawing from Anna Freud’s foundational work and illuminated through the lens of Zen practice, we uncover how fear, shame, and avoidance become karmic habits… and how clarity, presence, and vow can transform them. This isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about meeting yourself fully. Join us for a deep dive into the hidden strategies of the self, and the liberating possibility of embodying your true nature.

What if the moment everything fell apart was actually your beginning?
In this compelling Dharma talk, Sensei Michael Brunner explores the “great death” of the self—and the raw, luminous life that follows. Drawing on Zen koans and Dōgen’s teachings, this reflection invites us to stop patching the past and instead step forward, fully present, in the daylight of our own awakening.

Sensei reflects on the recent loss of his brother, Daniel Brunner, to suicide.

“Forsakenness itself is part of the Way. It is a Dharma gate.
When we meet it fully—tears, trembling, and all—something profound opens.
Not escape, but transformation.”
— Hoshi Jinsen Vanessa Roddam

In this powerful and honest reflection, Genpō shares how meditation became more than a practice—it became a path through trauma, anxiety, and the quiet weight of daily life. From his early struggles with identity to his years as a first responder, this talk traces a journey back to presence, wonder, and clarity.

“Sometimes healing doesn’t come from figuring things out—
It comes from finally seeing that they were just stories all along.”

What happens when we stop chasing realization and simply stand where we are? In this talk, Sensei Michael takes us deep into the mountains with Hofuku and Chōkei, where a single gesture reveals everything—and nothing.

This is not a story about arriving. It’s a call to intention. A reminder that true practice isn’t hidden in mystery—it’s alive in every step, if only we show up!

Your mind jumps from thought to thought like a restless monkey—but who are you when the monkey is silent? In this kōan, Chuyu offers a striking image: a monkey at the center of a room with six windows, responding to every call. Sensei Michael Brunner unpacks how we get caught in our own narratives—and how to step beyond them.

A monk asks for directions. An old woman gives him a simple answer. But as he walks away, she remarks, “This good honest priest goes off that way too.”

What did he miss? What did she see? And why does Jōshū say, “I’ve seen through the old woman for you”?

When we seek too hard, we often overlook what’s right in front of us.

Go straight on.

Before a pilot takes off, they check the wind, the visibility, the conditions as they are—not as they wish them to be. Yet in life, we often rush forward without this same awareness. What happens when we stop resisting and start working with reality as it unfolds? The key to soaring isn’t perfect conditions—it’s skillful navigation.