Awakening the Master Within: Breaking Free and Leading the Way

Teisho delivered at “The Zen of Recovery” meditation retreat on November 2, 2024 by Sensei Michael

Retreat isn’t easy. When we step into a retreat, we’re choosing—intentionally—to strip away our distractions, let go of our routines, and release the roles and characters we play in our daily lives. You’ll see those characters all trying to do a cameo while you’re sitting on the cushion, right? But the practice here is to let them do their thing while asking yourself, “Is that so?”

In retreat, we begin to let go of the usual patterns that keep us bound—patterns that are so embedded in our lives that we lose sight of them. Often, we aren’t even aware that we’re walking through the maze of the deluded self. In the space of retreat, though, we can start to recognize how those karmic bonds hold us. We bear witness to the habitual thoughts, reactions, and stories that shape our experience when we’re walking in delusion. And those patterns keep us locked in familiar cycles of suffering.

Retreat is powerful because it creates a container for seeing. Away from the usual world, our karmic momentum slows down. Our mind begins to quiet, and suddenly, we can see how deeply these habits run. They show up, uninvited, as they always do. But now, in the stillness, we have the chance to watch them arise and pass without feeding them, without serving them tea.

And in this quiet, some hope emerges—a recognition that we don’t have to follow these patterns. We don’t have to react from the small self that clings to fear, doubt, or shame. This is where retreat becomes a powerful tool for liberation.

In Zen, we call retreat sesshin. It means "touching the heart-mind" or gathering our attention with intention, aligning our intentions with our lived experience. During sesshin, distractions begin to fall away, and we engage with the present moment. Often, when things get quiet, that present moment is filled with the discursive mind. We can see exactly how it functions—how it wants to hop on every passing thought like a big train, ready to ride to a familiar destination. But when we let go of all that, we encounter the vast, clear nature of our true self.

In facing our inner landscape with honesty, we find the strength to let go and move beyond the limitations that have held us back. Sesshin is both a challenge and a gift. It shows us our small self as it really is, so we can set it aside and encounter the much bigger One that’s present—the true self, waiting beneath it all.

This is a rare opportunity to see the truth within and around us.

In Zen practice, we also use koans as tools to break us out of conventional thinking. We’re tempted to fall back on reason and what we know, but koans challenge us to drop our logic and step into a direct experience of where the koan points. Koans help us see beyond the trappings of the small self, beyond our conditioning, and touch something real. Each koan is a doorway, a chance to wake up to our true nature—if we’re willing to fully engage and let the koan work on us.

One example from the Shaseki-shu, or Collection of Stone and Sand, compiled by Zen master Muju in the 13th century, offers a timeless story. These stories may seem old and dusty, but they remind us that the way we construct, cling to, and become deluded by the self is timeless. This is the second case:

Finding a Diamond on a Muddy Road

Gudo was the emperor’s teacher of his time. Nevertheless, he used to travel done as a wandering mendicant. Once when he was on his way to Edo, the cultural and political center of the shogunate, he approached a little village mad Takenaka. It was evening and a heavy rain was falling. Gudo was thoroughly wet. His straw sandals were in pieces. At a farmhouse near the village he noticed four or five pairs of sandals in the window and decided to buy some dry ones.

The woman who offered him the sandals seeing how wet he was invited him to remain for the night in her home. Gudo accepted, thanking her. He entered and recited a sutra before the family shrine. He then was introduced to the woman’s mother, and to her children. Observing that the entire family was depressed Gudo asked what was wrong.

‘My husband is a gambler and a drunkard,’ the housewife told him. 'When he happens to win he drinks and becomes abusive. When he losses he borrows money from others. Sometimes when becomes thoroughly drunk he does not come home at all. What can I do?

‘I will help him,’ said Gudo. 'Here is some money. Get me a gallon of fine wine and something good to eat. Then you may retire. I will meditate before the shrine.'

When the man of the house returned about midnight, quite drunk; he bellowed: 'Hey, wife I am home. Have you something for me eat?'

I have something for you: said Gudo. ‘I happened to be caught in the rain and your wife kindly asked me to remain here for the night. In return I have bought some wine and fish. You might as well have them.'

The man was delighted. He drank the wine at once and laid himself down on the floor. Gudo sat in mediation beside him.

In the morning when the husband awoke he had forgotten about the previous night. 'Who are you? Where do yon come from?' he asked Gudo, who still was meditating.

‘I am Gudo of Kyoto and I am going on to Edo,' replied the Zen master. The man was utterly ashamed He apologized profusely to the teacher of his emperor.

Gudo smiled. 'Everything in this life is impermanent' he explained. ‘Life is very brief. If you keep on gambling and drinking yon will have no time left to accomplish anything else, and you will cause your family to suffer too.'

The perception of the husband awoke as if from a dream. 'You are right,' he declared. 'How can I ever repay you for this wonderful teaching! Let me see you off and carry your things a little way.’

'If you wish,' assented Gudo. The two started out. After they had gone three miles Gudo told him to return. ‘Just another five miles,’ he begged Gudo. They continued on.

You may return now,' suggested Gudo.

'After another ten miles,' the man replied.

'Return now,’ said Gudo, when the ten miles had been passed.

‘I am going to follow you all the rest of my life,' declared the man.

Modern Zen teachers in Japan spring from the lineage of a famous master who was the successor of Gudo. His name was Mu-nan, the man who never returned back.

This story isn’t just about Gudo and the drunkard. It’s about each of us. Within you is Gudo—the master, the true self. And also within you is the small self, the habit consciousness that clings to fear, shame, and doubt. The bigger One, the master, is your true self. And if you don’t awaken to it, if you don’t rise to follow it, no one else can do it for you. This is it. There’s no dress rehearsal. You are the One. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen through you.

But how? How do we let go of that small self and allow the true nature to lead?

The answer lies in honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. These aren’t just words—they are states of mind.

Honesty means seeing ourselves clearly, without judgment. It’s admitting where we’re stuck and where we’ve let the small self run the show. Honesty allows us to wake up to the ways we hold ourselves back.

Open-mindedness is about being willing to see that there’s something bigger than the stories we tell ourselves about who we are. We have to look past our limitations and consider the possibility that we are vast, boundless, and interconnected.

Willingness is the courage to take the step, even when we don’t know where it will lead. It’s about showing up again and again, no matter how many times we stumble, because each step embodies that freedom.

There’s a phrase in Zen: “If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.” It means that awakening doesn’t come from outside. Your true nature, the real teacher, is within you. If you keep looking outside for someone else to lead the way, you’ll miss the most important truth: that your true nature is the master, present in all your lived experiences.

This path isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about seeing beyond the small self and letting your vast nature take hold. And if you don’t awaken to that master within, if you don’t let it lead the way, then no one will. The world needs you awake—not just for your own peace, but because your awakening has far-reaching effects.

Let honesty guide you. Let open-mindedness help you recognize the vastness within you. And let willingness carry you forward, step by step. This is your path, your life, and your chance to make a real difference. Awaken to that bigger One within, follow it, and watch as everything begins to fall into place.

This is it. You are the One.

Step forward and let that master within you lead the way. Don’t turn back!